RANT: Why Sonic shouldn't listen to his fans

Just as a present for those who can't stand my tl;dr mongering, I'll give you guys a short version. Here's four reasons why Sega/Sonic Team shouldn't listen to you:

1. Fanservice alone doesn't improve the quality of an already crap game.
2. Sonic Team has a habit of twisting fan demand into unusual and nonsensical directions - a trend which should've been obvious the moment Shadow was resurrected.
3. Nowadays there is a massive gap between nostalgia-themed games and entries designed with modern intentions, making it completely impossible to make a universally acceptable game based off your word alone.
4. Because you're most likely a complete moron with no game design experience of any kind and no understanding of the possible repercussions your actions would have on the franchise.

Get it? Good. If I seem overly blunt about it, you should realize there's good reason for it - this crap has gone on for TEN YEARS almost uncontested whilst fanboys prance under the hideously mistaken delusion that they somehow know better than Sega AND Sonic Team with absolutely nothing to show for it. To say I'm absolutely sick of it would be a fuckin' understatement.

I could probably finish this post right here and still have a worthwhile topic to go off, but that's not what you guys know me for, is it? Let me go into a bit greater detail here, and perhaps finish it all off with a great big list.

Perhaps we should start with how this silly trend started in the first place. Let's go back to the days where point # 2 (fanservice twisting) was less extensive - between the original Sonic Adventure and Sonic Heroes. This was also (to mere coincidence, mind - don't start getting ideas, fanboys) back when the games where debatably good, but undeniably liked by most. It's pretty obvious to me how these entries could be labelled as fanservice, what with SA1 having a six-character roster (complete with unique movesets, stage ladders and fucking theme songs), SA2 introducing the more "serious" approach to the franchise (and subsequently Shadow, an instant fan-favourite) and Heroes having debatebly the largest playable roster in the history of the franchise. But the problem isn't what these games did to please the fans, at least in these select entries - rather, it was how the fans themselves recieved them.

I'll be honest, I'm not the biggest expert in fanboy psychology, even if I have a habit of boasting about it occasionally. But this is what I see as a major milestone in a fandom - the point where fans quite simply stop caring what the game itself is about, and just start mindlessly buying everything that has the mascot's face on it. To be fair, this isn't limited exclusively to Sonic (matter of fact, this is an incredibly serious problem as far as the Zelda fandom is concerned), but nonetheless, it's still the first spark that would later trigger the raging, never-ending inferno that would later become the modern Sonic fanbase.

To my experience, the one way of destroying this mentality is to take the series along a route that isn't the one they've been following for the majority of the franchise's life previously. Which brings me to the next main game in the series - Shadow the Hedgehog. And boy howdy, did they deviate the shit out of that approach. What started as the simple prospect of bringing closure to Shadow's storyline and making him the main character in the process, ended in all manner of gimmicks, plots and designs completely alien (pun intended) to nearly every ideal the franchise had previously established. That they did this without changing the game engine from previous entries is quite a feat indeed. And this is coming from somebody who LIKED the prospect of guns in a Sonic(esque) game.

Yet despite all this - the game inexplicably featuring games, the plot somewhat darker than can be tolerated from a kid's franchise, the game overall turning out to be arguably the worst entry in the series even today (second only to you-know-what)... Sonic Team still did exactly what the fans asked of them. They made a solid effort to conclude Shadow's role in the series and finally explain his mysterious past instead of hiding it behind the lame plot device known as amnesia, and to top it all off, they made one of the most popular characters of the series the main character and never let him out of it until the game was finished. It's not the developer's fault if your demands don't a good game make - if anything, it's YOURS.

In any case, Shadow's game was what eventually led into the convulted mess that was to be 2006 Sonic and consequently, today's fanbase. For this there was two reasons - as mentioned above, the sudden break away from traditional methods is one of them. The other is a common belief across nearly every franchise greater than five years of age - that they can do better by creating Sonic games exactly as they were in the "olden days" (subjective as that term might be). These two phenomenoms don't work well together, and eventually create the infamous "modern vs classic" debate that will likely persist until the end of fuckin' time. A debate for another time, to be sure.

Alright, history lesson's over, so let's get down to the meaty bits. One puzzling attribute I've noticed in today's fandom is that they cannot recognise the very things that they demand to see in a game, even when it is implemented into the game as a key feature. They blindly refuse to admit they're wrong about anything even in the face of such strong evidence and continue to request the same thing over and over, ignorant of Sonic Team's failure to produce a worthwhile game out of it. Well, I don't mean to be fuckin' blunt, but...

It didn't work the first time, dipshit.

So why should Sonic Team be expected to continually follow through with your retarded requests when your theory has been repeatedly been put into practice, fruitlessly, and when anyone else with even an ounce of common fucking sense these days will go way beyond the call of duty to take delight in reminding you that you're completely full of shit? Here's a word of advice, pal - parroting the words of other fanboys doesn't necessarily mean you or anyone else has the right idea of how to go about the issue - if anything it just proves you're a complete tool and you wouldn't know what a good idea was if it came around to your house, knocked on your door and told you to fuck off.

So next time you think about claiming Sega or Sonic team hasn't done everything possible to please their fans and undertake their requests, well, look no further than this handy dandy chronicle of all fanservice, right off the top of my head, since the invention of the Dreamcast:

- Sonic Adventure 1: Largest playable roster to date, featuring individual storylines complete with stage ladders, intros and outros, character themes and unique movesets. Boasted a deeper storyline that every game previously lacked. The design, visually, is still comparable to the more classic entries in the series.
- Sonic Adventure 2: Much the same, only the storylines where bunched between three seperate arcs instead of one for each char. Implements a long-requested "serious" outlook for a plot, along with two new characters to accompany it. One becomes a major fan favourite. Introduces rail grinding, which becomes a part of nearly every Sonic game thereafter thanks to the fans. Arguably the best story ever written for a Sonic game.
- Sonic Heroes: Fans asked for Sonic, Tails and Knux playable simultaneously ala Sonic & Tails in classic games, and ST delivered. Resurrects Shadow and Metal Sonic. Has the largest playable cast of any Sonic game in history, if you count the members of each team seperately (4 teams of 3 chars = total of 12). Special Stages and Chaos Emerald collecting return.
- Shadow the Hedgehog: Features Shadow in his own game and brings closure to Shadow's backstory at long last. The "serious" story style returns in full force. Players get to choose, to an extent, how the story ends.
- Sonic Riders: Is a Sonic racing game that isn't Sonic R. Careful what you wish for.
- Sonic Rush: Established a gameplay style more heavily oriented around speedy gameplay than any other game previously. Special Stages and Chaos Emeralds return again.
- Sonic '06: Is practically a spiritual Sonic Adventure remake right down to the sharing of level themes (most notably a chase scene directly ripped off from SA1) and a majority of the moveset intact (in theory, not excecution though). Features 9 playable characters (including a hedgehog that isn't a Sonic clone) and four story arcs. Hub worlds return. Upgrades return. Side missions introduced. Health bars are significantly nerfed.
- Secret Rings: Features only Sonic playable. Focuses on linear on-rails gameplay.
- Sonic Rush Adventure: Changes nothing from the original, except level progression and special stages. Takes place in Blaze's dimension. Eggman is actually the final boss for a change.
- Sonic Unleashed: Basically Rush 3D. Sonic-only gameplay again (in a technicality). Water-running returns. QTEs are implemented (yes, believe it or not people actually ask for this shit). Human chars are more cartoony now.
- Whatever else I couldn't think of in the space of 30 minutes (go ahead, add your own! Don't be shy!)